Outside Context Problem

Dear Avid reader and Mr I.M. Banks… an apology, in case one is needed Mr Banks, for using your perfect quote. The idea so appeals to me and has been rolling about my excuse for a brain for quite a while now . I doubt I have done it justice and if you request that I remove this from my blog I will happily do so. I don’t want to be banned from reading your books.

Part of the appeal of an interplanetary invasion for me is simply why would they! So as you will see they don’t. I hope you all enjoy my twist on the OCP!


p.s. Thanks for all the reading pleasure Mr Banks.


Outside Context Problem (OCP):-

Definition: –   Situation or mystery that has no frame of reference for the subject or observer and therefore no apparent solution to it.

 Example: –     Talking to someone on the telephone who is speaking a foreign language you have never heard of who has also never heard of your own native tongue.

Quote: –          “the kind of problem most Civilisations would encounter just once, and which they tended to encounter rather in the same way a sentence encountered a full stop.” Author- Iain M. Banks.


They made themselves known almost five years ago.

Of course they had been watching us for some considerable time. Fifteen years from within the solar system if you choose to believe them and had been listening to us since Marconi started his trans-Atlantic broadcasts back in 1907. Almost a hundred years (it seems there are some laws that are impossible to break and the velocity of light being the speed limit of the universe is one of them) it took them to cross the gulf of space and apparently they ‘do come in peace’. I remember that first day at noon, GMT, when the Voice appeared on every single non-essential means of communication on the planet. Only emergency lines were left free and that was if they were in use at the time. For me it was a very pleasant English voice on my mobile phone that went to some lengths to apologise for the interruption. Of course for differing countries around the world it spoke in their native tongues and (by all accounts) in flawless local accent.

I, like so many, assumed it was a hoax until it asked us to go outside and look up at the Sun/Moon. Most including myself did. I looked to the skies and watched the Sun fade till it was bearable to look directly at and yet still seemed to be giving off its usual warmth. And like so many others I sat down hard on the ground as I watched a shape take form upon its surface. Two vertical lines split the circle into three and then a third dark line joined the others horizontally splitting it into four distinct parts. Those lines disappeared as quickly as they had formed and it was only as the second shape appeared that I realised the first shape had been the letter ‘H’. In total four distinct shapes/letters (one of them repeated once) appeared in under a minute.

Almost in unison I heard all those within earshot and it was possibly a hundred, in that busy London Street reply with the same word.


They came down all over the world. Those small ellipsoid craft, showing no detail on their hulls, generally silver and about 12 metres in length and five across. They made no sound as they descended down to the waiting crowds below. Over two hundred landed simultaneously, some in cities, some in villages and some in forests, deserts and even out at sea. It wasn’t where they landed that mattered to them but who they met.

It seems a couple of ‘not so stable’ governments tried to intercept them as they came down but for all our ‘technology’ the various weapons and aircraft developed minds of their own and simply refused to let their masters do anything but observe.

I watched as one descended directly above me on that day and like the rest of the crowd in the street around me was silent and held my breath for the longest time as we all realised that it was going to touch down right in front of us. We all moved back to allow it space as it dropped below the rooftops and watched as it noiselessly touched the tarmac. It just balanced on a single point of its hull, no legs or pads extended; its surface a perfect mirror. I could see my own reflection, distorted by the curve of the silver surface and then it was split in two as a fine line appeared in the seamless exterior, slowly widening and releasing a soft blue light till a perfect circle was formed and a ‘human’ stepped out and onto the dirty asphalt of the road.

He was perfect. Dressed in a simple light grey jacket and trousers this could have easily been the man of my dreams or fantasies. He surveyed his silent audience and breathed deeply before stepping forward in bare feet. It took me quite a few seconds before I understood the words he spoke.

“Hello Catherine.”

I almost fainted.


Why did they finally reveal themselves? It seems our atmosphere was about to grow critical and the steps they had to take to stabilize it are obvious to say the least. When you see the entire sky go green as they alter the ion levels you know it isn’t natural. Of course we still have rain on summer days and storms, even hurricanes it seems are necessary but now only moderate ones and with over two months notice and scheduled to within ten minutes they are just an inconvenience. You can even look up afternoon showers so you can take in your washing!

For ‘Gods’ they may not be all powerful but they do seem to be all knowing!

 Of course there are plenty of conspiracy theories about their true motives and a lot of abductees were disappointed when ‘they’ provided proof that they (the ‘Abductee’) were never beamed up from their trailer/house, and in at least one case where the person involved insisted on his proof, the brief excerpt of him sneaking into his wife’s sister’s house was enough to quieten if not completely silence most of the Objectioners! But there is still a very small bunch of vocalists declaring that we are being invaded.

Hollywood seemed remarkably quiet on the entire subject!

As ‘They’ pointed out with their technology and all the energy they needed to travel Interstellar distances there wasn’t much that planet Earth could offer them. It was far simpler to mine our asteroid belts for the minerals they needed than to descend into the gravity wells of planetary bodies. If they wanted to destroy our planet they could simply use those same asteroids to bombard us from tens of millions of miles away and wipe out all life in a matter of minutes. They had plenty of automata to cater for their needs which only required energy rather than having to feed a slave population.

The only thing that we had that they wanted to experience was our unique culture.

 Their logic convinced the majority of the world’s population and the one piece of knowledge that they didn’t posses reassured those who might have been the most problematic. They could not prove or disprove the existence of God. They extended an invitation to talk directly to the heads of all the major religions and after a little time this was accepted and they were also accepted (generally as being part of God’s great majesty!). The fact that ‘they’ refused to speak to other politico’s and rich and powerful alike and chose their own ‘Liaisons’ from the populace definitely gave them credence with the common people. It’s always good to see politicians complain pointlessly.

It was almost twelve months after the Day before all those ‘important’ people ceased their efforts to monopolise the Representatives. It was an all time record for YouTube of 178 million hits in one day showing the clip of an elected representative, red faced, shouting at his advisors to get him a meeting with a “goddamn alien and not some jumped up housewife liaison bitch”. The clip of course continued as his aides left the room and it appeared that this powerful man began to grow short of breath just as two paramedics walked in having been summoned by a ‘goddamn alien’ just in time to prevent him suffering a major cardiac arrest.

It seemed to be a major turning point to the Aliens as well. When I asked my Representative about it he told me that the dangerous ‘Transition’ was over and that the human race would probably not tear itself apart because of contact with another extraterrestrial species.


So that’s how this housewife from a small borough in London is sitting in a space capsule in the shadow of a Jovian moon with a Perfect specimen of the human male and a very large fish tank containing what simply looks like an explosion of tentacles waiting for a particularly large and powerful solar flare to pass by. I wonder to myself did the boys get to school on time. “Your family is fine. At this present moment your youngest is standing in the playground looking up at the sky. I think he is looking for you, but he is staring about 30 degrees to the south of this point”

I knew that my Representive, who I had named Al, could tell me exactly to the smallest ‘nth’ how far wrong young Joe was. “You really shouldn’t do that, at least not in public, if you don’t want people to believe you can read minds!” I replied. My eyes flicked between the handsome, impossibly perfect Representative and the true body of Al. I made a conscious effort to keep my features neutral as I wondered what all those totally prehensile Limbs would feel like running over my naked skin. My eyes shifted back to the Representative as I bemoaned the fact that the supporting medium would kill me in minutes while preserving me till the heat death of the universe.

“It is purely a matter of processing available information, Catherine. Our, equivalent of your computers, continually search for patterns that might interest us or them; you should understand that example of ‘mind-reading’ was the most probable result out of three million possibilities of which only a handful were worth serious consideration all originating from my observation of the brief look of concern on your face. Whereas, now that you have adopted a ‘Poker’ face, you become much harder to ‘read’; the realistic possibilities become fewer and leave no outstanding probable.”

“Surely with all your technology…?” I asked leaving the question hanging.

 “Yes, we could read any biological mind but we consider it rude. I will read your facial expressions and body language as you would, albeit subconsciously, when talking to fellow humans but even though my own race shares a level of consciousness we each are individuals in our own right and therefore respect the privacy of your own and each other’s private thoughts.”

I digested his words tearing my eyes from those perfect lips to gaze at the slowly turning surface of Io below. I already knew about how their consciousness was shared between their populace and their biological computers (for the dearest want of a better word) to give them a gestalt being of unimaginable knowledge and intelligence. Of course expeditions out of their home system created a ‘dislocation’ between them as that ‘speed limit’ law raised its head once again. So they always travelled in groups of 512. They ignored the fact that the information sent from home was eighty years old simply because there was nothing they could do about it.

“So do you never feel homesick?” Al the Representative looked at me, when my gaze returned to his perfect aquamarine eyes, with that slightly annoying neutral expression they sometimes had. I suspected it appeared when they, despite their immense intelligence, truly didn’t understand the question asked of them.

“I am home,” he replied, “all of my ‘family’ (he put an emphasis on the word possibly to express the lack of subtlety in the language he was using) are with me” He pointed to his temple as the real alien folded all of its tentacles inwards at the same time. I stared at the display inside the tank.

“Is your wife with you?” I said without thinking, “Are you even married?” The neutral expression disappeared to be replaced by a broad grin.

“We share ourselves with everyone in the ‘family’ so to bond with just one other individual to the detriment of others would be anti-social to use your terms.” I looked at Al floating in his chemical soup and again the question that had wandered through my thoughts ever since Al had chosen me as his Liaison and I had seen his real self pushed itself to the forefront of my mind once again. “Ask if you want to?” I smiled at the Representative.

I don’t think I blushed but I was a million (or 500 million) miles from home so I turned to the true alien and asked “You’re not male or female, are you… so how do you reproduce?” (Okay, it wasn’t exactly the question that was really on my mind but it was close!)

The tentacles in front of me rippled outwards and then rippled inwards as the smooth velvety voice beside me answered, “No, we are neither… It has been over 500 generations since we have needed physical contact in order to spawn a progeny. We simply decide upon that course and the process is begun. The infant mind is created from the group mind and so is a part of all while remaining unique in itself. The host begins the process of sacrificing a limb with the mind of the hatchling within. The ‘intimate’ link between host and spawn lasts only till separation, a period of 17 of your earth days. It takes a further 17 days for the newborn to mature, to grow sufficient limbs, in its own ‘fish tank’ (I could feel the Representative beaming at me but kept my eyes on the true alien in front of me who seemed to hold four of his tentacles straight out in a star pattern). From the creation and implanting of its mind on the fifth day of the primary gestation period it is to all intents and purposes an adult of mind if not body.”

I let the information sink in, “What was it like to have another person…being part of you?”

“I do not know. I have not spawned. And to answer your next question, busy! My twelve days with my host, were busy.” I felt the alien in the tank watch my reaction even though if it had any visual organs I had no idea how many or where they were.

“You have barely been touched then?” I knew I couldn’t hide the sorrow I felt in my voice and I knew Al would sense it as well.

“We feel on so many levels, Catherine, in senses ranging across all spectrums down to the sub-atomic levels and outwards spanning tens of light-years in crystal resolution and further aware of all the stellar objects within half of the galaxy. My fellow travelers experience an intimacy of one another’s being that I literally cannot begin to describe to you within the parameters of your language.” I felt the whisper of the Representative’s touch upon my shoulder and shrugged it away without acknowledging the perfect vat grown human with my eyes which remained upon Al within his tank.

“I’m sure your ‘perfect’ specimen has probably a hundred times the tactile capacity that I have and I know that the … ‘realness’ that we feel is illusory at best and the link you share…” I struggled to finish and leant forwards in my chair resting my palm against the warm, soft, gently pulsing surface of Al’s tank. One of its tentacles rose through the glutinous pinkish liquid within to rest on the internal side. I smiled at my own conceit as I realised that I was just as much (more probably) inside a tank! “What does your flesh feel like? How do you know where ‘you’ end and your fellows begin?”

“We have our Innermost sanctum, the place where we truly live that no one else sees, we might reveal it, open it when we decide to die but very few of us do and we take all those parts of ourselves to nothingness.” I sat there still leaning forwards, fingers rhythmically pressing against that strange, almost permeable, barrier between myself and Al’s tentacle. I would almost swear that I could feel the details of his ‘flesh’.

“Tell me a secret…please…” I asked. The creature beyond looked into me, the moment stretched for lifetimes just as the Solar winds streamed and rippled past Io.

“Years ago when we first took up close orbit around your planet and I looked down on the teeming billions and I found a young girl, she was sitting in her garden on a hot summers day. A large magnifying glass beside her and she was studying a spider building a web between the ropes of a much worn garden swing. She watched silently as it slowly added another strand to its web. She lifted the glass and saw how the bright overhead sun focused the light onto a single point which soon caused the surface of the stump she was sat upon to smolder. As the wisp of smoke began to rise she put down the glass and watched the tiny creature complete its trap. For four days she watched and waited till ‘her’ swing was free once again.” I looked at Al and only realised then that his representative had gone slack in one of the seats. I didn’t care how I had listened to his voice but was strangely happy that we were even more alone.

 “What happened to the little girl?” I asked. Al slowly spiraled before me, putting me in mind of the slowly turning Galaxy.

“She always checked the swing forever after and she never seemed quite so keen… She never asked for her toes to disappear within the apple blossom again!”


“…and… I chose her to be my Liaison…” I would swear I felt the palm of my hand burn as the membrane between us seemed to shimmer and grow thinner. “Is that all your questions answered?”

“Probably not… Do you have any?” I asked. I ‘felt’ Al look at me and I let the remnants of my ‘poker’ face slip away as I stood from the chair placing my left hand against the thin membrane between us. Al’s tentacle slid upwards inside the wall following my own hand as it rose up on the outside, a second tentacle extended itself to meet my other hand.

“Do you trust me?” he asked. I nodded in reply and felt the small hot patches (now) on both my palms cool till they became a warm throbbing insistent beat. “What do you want?”

I took a deep breath, “I want you.”

“Most of your fellow Liaisons have been satisfied with the Representatives. That was part of their design. We knew that you were a highly sexual species, one of the highest we have come across in over 300 generations of travelling the stars and over a thousand lifeforms. Why are you different from all those other entities?”

“I don’t know…maybe that’s why you picked me…”

“And even though to enter into my environment without protection means death within five painful minutes….?”

“… I am tempted” I felt the membrane between us twitch.

“How tempted?” I felt the viscous layer flow over my fingers and down to my wrists, leaving my hands within the tank somewhere in the middle of life and death.

“Now? Five minutes with excruciating pain…no… 24 hours without…maybe…no, I have my children, if I hadn’t then probably” My hands sunk deeper through the wall still protected by the thin protective gel, I flexed my fingers and slowly wrapped them around Al’s tentacles. I felt the minutest of shiver though from him or me I couldn’t be sure.

“What if…” Al left the sentence unfinished and when I felt the re-awakened Representative’s strong but incredibly gentle hands on my shoulders I smiled inwardly. It was only later that I wondered how those hands removed the thin cream chiffon blouse I had been wearing as my hands remained within the alien environment on the other side of the barrier. I stood there, my eyes closed as I felt the alien limbs ripple around my fingers as the warm air of the module caressed my torso. I inhaled softly as my bra was removed. Almost without intention I leant forwards to press my hard aching nipples against the yielding wall. I gasped quietly as I felt a delicate pressure play against them.

I opened my eyes gazing at the maelstrom of limbs, “… what if?” I whispered to the alien I wanted to… I was at a loss as to exactly what ‘it’ was… sex I supposed. The Representative’s fingers began to nimbly undo the buttons holding the waist of my long wraparound skirt.

“What if we were guilty of a little white lie…?” I felt my skirt lowered down around my legs leaving me in only my flats and a pair of very damp white cotton panties. “Do you trust me?” Al again asked. I nodded in response as I felt the warm air slip over my now exposed moist slit. I knew now that the Representative having accomplished his task had once again slipped into dormancy. I stepped forwards out of my shoes and pushed my naked form into the barrier. It moulded itself about me as two tendrils/tubes slipped (comfortably!) into my nostrils. I felt them slide down and into my throat as ‘normally’ as if I was sipping water. I knew, though I felt no sensation, that they would journey to my lungs and keep them supplied with air. My view distorted for a moment as two small gel domes formed over them. I pressed harder against the wall and was embraced by at least four more of Al’s arms. I smiled as the film covering my ears still managed to convey a ‘popping’ sound as I fully entered into the alien’s world. The thin membrane that had been covering my flesh dissolved completely leaving just those over my eyes and ears. I was immersed in a warm liquid that felt heavier than water; I opened my mouth and let it flow in. No burning, no blinding agony! It tasted slightly of Aniseed (not a favourite of mine).

“Am I to die at an evil alien’s whim?” I asked slightly surprised that I could speak.

“Probably not but I’m sure I haven’t met them all. So… welcome to my world, Catherine” Al’s voice seemed to come from all about me as I rolled within his embrace. His flesh was hot compared to the warm liquid medium; parts seemed rough against my own and would turn soft after a moment. The sensations threatened to overwhelm as hard became pliant and smooth became rippled. “Now that you are here…”

“Tell me, are… is there more to you than arms?” I was almost laughing as I said it. I took hold of a nearby tentacle and drew it across my mouth feeling tiny hairs appear out of his sugary tasting flesh. I was unsure but I thought I heard Al moan.

“You tasted me?”

“Yes. Sweet it was…” I moved my tongue down along his limb towards his centre (I think), the taste and texture of his skin seemed to morph. Becoming smooth and tangy and them ridged and bitter. I felt a tip of a tentacle curl around my ear and I wrapped a finger about it guiding it towards my mouth. “Tell me what I taste like?” I sucked it deep between my lips, my tongue sliding over the now soft salty tasting surface. “You taste of Eratron molluscs…”

“Well I never… did you like…’them’?”

“Very much”, however Al smiled, I knew he was smiling now. “To answer your question, yes we are pretty much arms, our entire being exists in all of our limbs, mind, taste, touch, hearing, sight… everything… the nexus where they all meet is here.” Al slowly turned me about, with what felt like twenty or more tentacles, large, small and tiny. All of them, at once, caressing large swathes and tiny points of my flesh, I reached forward and stroked a finger across the large spherical nexus. Al shivered and definitely moaned as my fingertip trailed over the small buds that I was sure were the vestigial beginnings of new limbs. Two tentacles, thinner than my smallest finger, snaked over my heaving chest; I coaxed them towards my throbbing nipples and was rewarded as they circled about them, tugging them sharply as an actual electric current ran into them. I convulsed hard in the watery medium as I felt the entire surface of my body crackle with this exotic, teasing energy. My pussy squeezed shut ejecting a flood of my juices into Al’s support fluid. I felt, saw, heard even smelt and tasted as the thicker of his limbs went rigid and the smaller ones went limp.

“Oh my god… This is what touch is all about…” I grasped the nearest of his flailing arms, pulling the tip of one into my open mouth and dragging another across my twitching labia.

“…touch…” whispered Al all around me in a myriad of languages. Tiny frond like tentacles whispered through my bush as it waved in the tiny currents of the tank. They seemed to search out every individual hair and yet moved across my mound rapidly. The galaxies died in the pure explosion of my orgasm as that first exploring tendril touched my burning clit.

“FUCK ME AL!” I screamed into the fluid. I panted and cursed as I felt one of his tentacles slip into my spasming quim. It rippled and pulsed as it filled my hole completely. I grasped all of him I could reach, in my hands and between my feet and pulled myself hard onto him. My orgasm continued to surge and increase as I felt/knew that all the flesh within me was in contact with his flesh. I screamed again as I felt him suck on my G-spot and a soft slim tendril begin to explore my ass.

I would like to say that I that “I gave as good as I got” on behalf of the Human race. But it would be a lie! I have no idea. I fainted dead away.


I don’t know if it was seconds, minutes or days before I regained consciousness but when I did Al was cradling me gently in his many arms. “Are you okay?” he asked concernedly.

I looked at him curiously. “Yes… wonderful… but you would know that…”

I don’t know what Al’s species look like when they are embarrassed but I got the feeling this was it. “You have… I don’t know… I knew you were okay, I knew that your synapses overloaded with stimuli… your mind shut down to protect itself… I knew all this and yet…”

I ‘cuddled’ this web of tentacles as best as I could, “…yet?” I knew it was a cruel question, in ‘normal’ circumstances I would have patiently waited for a reply to come if one was coming, but I needed to know how, what this incredibly intelligent and logical creature was thinking.

“… yet I was worried… we were worried. And now… my race is fragmenting… where there was always concord there is discord… and… I don’t care…”

This time I know I blushed within the pale pink liquid of Al’s support fluids, I could almost taste an essence of my own juices within my mouth as I realised that I had just fucked a species. They were all linked and had all experienced my orgasm. I couldn’t help but smile when I asked “Did you all come?”


I now travel the stars with Al (and some of his family), I’m also at home with my family and children. Al created another ‘Representative’, a special one, a unique one in his Race’s history. Another me! We are linked and when I sleep I dream of my life on Earth, an Earth where the Aliens left with no notice and no reason. I watch my children grow, I make love to the husband I love and when I lay my head down on my pillow at night I dream of crossing the void, of watching comets streak across the darkness, of bright un-named nebula, seeing stars born and die. One day I will be laid beneath the ground on my home planet but I will still have my dreams of loving Al’ien.

~ by ftfagos on March 22, 2011.

5 Responses to “Outside Context Problem”

  1. Hummmm…. well that was certainly…. weird.

    Kind of reminded me of the first ever animated porn (and the last mind you) I watched… Remind me to tell you about it sometime. But this was… how do I put this… ahhh!!! Romantic!!!!

    I loved the intro. That was brilliant!!

  2. Don’t think I’ll be eating Calamari again!

  3. MUPPET! This isn’t a f%*^&@g Q & A blog. You posted this on the internet just google it like everyone else!

  4. […] Outside Context Problem […]

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